♥ 2016 has come to an end

hai assalamualaikum..

(to dear self) its been a while. I still have no journal that's why I'm here, once a year 😏. Actually I do have one, tapi that journal hanyalah dibuka ketika aku tengah meroyan, dan tak akan dibuka kalau aku tengah waras mcm sekarang ha ha ha. Okay wtv.

So, I've decided to write my academic journey only in this blog. Its not for anyone else to read, but its for me. For future me to appreciate present me, get it? wait I have to go mandi first later I'll write more.

oh heyyyy i almost forgot about you hahaha. yesterday i went mandi, makan, put my laptop on sleep mode, went to sleep and 24h later, tadaa baru teringat pasal kau kahkah ampunnn. okay so nak cerita apa yea? last time i told you about how i pursue my study in masters aerospace right.

ok as always, awal2 sem tak penah nak jalan kerja. first month here, i did literally nothing. duduk rumah sewa dekat seri kembangan and there was no study environment at all i swear to god. then in October i got Graduate Research Fellowship, i moved into Kolej Serumpun because senang nak pergi faculty sbb kena thumb in and out everyday. first semester done, honestly i don't know whats my achievement. sebab nak adapt, nak dapat mood buat kerja bukan senang, plus research mode ni 100% depend on yourself tak ada timetable or guide mcm coursework/time bachelor. Masa second semester baru start buat literature survey, find all the dimensions and everything, start design mould. and during second semester juga start fabricate mould, hantar kedai and it took months! seriously lama because it is a complicated design.

I applied for mybrain but sadly, rejected because of one tiny lame mistakes which makes me cursed at government A LOT! sebab nya ada one tiny space require us to fill berapa lama kenal pengadil and tak perasan sebab literally besar ni ___ je space dia ditengah2 boring yang penuh dengan tulisan. like this laa. macam kat blog aku ni. like seriously? and then i tried SLAB Unimap which is biasiswa unimap lepas kita habis masters can work with them, but tak dpt jugak sebab SLAB tgh freeze that time all because economy tgh teruk and budget pendidikan kena cut. stress and meroyan taktau la nak describe mcm mana. for me, cukup la stress about our studies je tapi 2015/2016 mmg kena stress pasal money jugak. sigh. and come August 2016, my contract as GRF tamat, sebab ditawarkan setahun je. try apply balik but then so lambat sebulan tu takda gaji jugak, perlu begging dekat mama sumpah malu and nasib baik boyfriend pun dah kerja and paham even tak mintak pun dia still support. good news after one month, application grf berjaya even though ramai yang tak dapat, all because of bajet/dana upm tak ada! but, okay ada but, grf ni yang supposednya rm1500 a month dah di cut jadi rm1300 a month. nvrmind still bersukur, and the second but is, contract supposednya setahun, kira cukuplah untuk cover sampai habis study, dikurangkan sehingga 5 bulan saja which means contract tamat January 2017. then another semester stress lagi kan fikir pasal duit. i don't know...

okay so in between sem 2 nak ke sem 3, grf dah tamat, and dah tak cover yuran so i have to ketaq punggung la cari duit bayar yuran sendiri. alhamdulillah ada je rezeki yang sampai walaupun stress jangan cakap la kan. thankful to have good friend to help, which is kama. serious kena mention nama dia sebab dia ni laa yang banyak sangat tolong aku sepanjang study kat sini. cakap yuran tak cukup lagi rm300, terus dia bank in duit. eh no, tak cakap pun. dia yang tanya. sangat terharu and i will never forget her good deeds to me. and to bf also, terima kasih korang banyak gila membantu.  

so today is already 12/12/16 penghujung tahun dah pun so i can conclude untuk tahun ni la kan. masa ni sumpah kenal siapa member siapa tak. reality nya mmg ada pun yang dah senang lupa habis kawan/terus berubah perangai jadi sombong. mcm lah harta dunia ni kekal selamanya haaa. jenis yang lebih sikit dari org terus riak rasa bagus and selfish eh memang semuaa perangai lah muncul serta merta. aku harap sangat kalau aku sennag akutak terjebak dengan perangai yang macam tu.

aku dah third semester dah ni. tak sempat nak habiskan sem ni sbb notice of submission kena hantar 3 bulan sebelum hantar thesis, but tak sempat sebab haritu mould buat perangai. salah guna wax, wd40 terus epoxy melekat dekat celah2 inserts, a month jugak nak betulkan. so now aku dah proceed, baru buat neat epoxy guna releasing agent buehler. tapi dah habis pulak, nak order sampai 1200++ harga dia untuk 60ml zzz. doakan la aku sempat siap dengan jayanya ye.

one more thing, sepanjang buat ni, biasa la kita mentally struggle jugak nka siapan kerja. ada aim bila nak siap and everything, tapi bila jadi benda2 yang tak diingini mcm epoxy melekat wtv tu, rasa stress tapi tak boleh tunjuk sangat. senang cakap mcm dalam hati tengah menangis ni, tapi luaran and dalam otak kena kuat and fikir positive lagi. but, bila ada mmber yang gurau kasar "eh extend lah kau" "hmm grad lambat lah kau" and all, aku rasa mcm nak bunuh org tahu tak. tahu lah benda tu susah nak jadi but at least can you guys help me be positive? seriously folks, jangan jadi mulut puaka. sebab korang tak tahu pun apa yang org lain struggle and mcm mana payahnya dorang nak achieve something.

walaupun org yang mulut puaka tu aku tak patut layan sebab by looking at their work kau boleh cebehh je mulut, tapi still. negative words everyday buat mental breakdown kot. bodoh gila org macam ni. serious.

hmm dah panjang dah kot. later la tahun depan aku cerita lagi bye

♥ the 2016 me

Assalamualaikum.

hyeeee to myself because apparently this blog has been dead for years now. I'm writing here because 1. I have no diary and 2. I feel like nak puji diri sendiri. hahahahahahahaha 

so its June 2016. my life is great i supposed. I pursue masters in aerospace engineering at upm. ingat lagi masa form three aku NAK SANGAT masuk field aircraft, even though tak tahu background kerja. siap buat poster A4 size tampal dekat locker "i must score, i want to be aeronatical engineer" until Pya tegur, "its aeronautical, you got the spelling wrong." Actually, i dont know the spelling and the work pun hahahah. One of the reason is, ada career talk, and org tu kerja aircraft, gaji banyak. LOL to me. 

Masa final year bachelor, aku buat keputusan nak sambung, and apply, and dapat alhamdulillah. In research pulak tuuuu. Unbelievable sebab aku ni pemalas. kenapa tah buat decision mcm tu. Mak aku selalu kata "hang ni nak apa2 terketaq2, nnt dah dpt, terketaq2 takmau pulak" hahahaha mom knows best. Nways, aku dtg jugak upm, bermulaaaa lah perjalanan sebagai research student and also teaching assistant (TA). aku apply GRF sebab ye ahhh kalau takda allowance nak makan pasiaq ka tiap hari? gittew. Aku minat jadi lecturer, (masa ni tak ingat dah cita cita saya nak jadi jurutera kahkah), jadi TA ni aku bajet2 habis jadi miss kononnya. haha ajar bebudak bachelor. masters aku pulak, aku plan nak habiskan in two years. tapi haritu sembang dengan sv, dia kata aku ada potential nak habiskan in setahun setengah. hang caya dak weiiii sv aku kata aku berpotensi??! haaahahaaahaaa aku pun tak caya. tapi doa doa laa kot2 boleh habis awal syok gak boleh aku start qeja awal kan. 

dah aku takleh cerita detail sangat. bukan boleh caya, satg aku ter riak camna? ha. pastu kan, aku rasa 2016 ni bnyak weh ajar aku independent. aku boleh p pasar malam sorang2. aku boleh dok makan kat cafe sorang2, tanpa ada perasaan dan monolog dalaman, "tak malu kaaa weii dok makan sorang" aku rasa amazed la weiii dulu aku taklehhh tau buat semua benda tu sorang2. ha yg paling latest sekarang ni, aku puasa, bukak puasa sorang2. sayuuuuuu kay sayuuu. orang cuti sem aku keja. padan muka. 

apa lagi aku nak habaq? 

hmm haaa aku beli moto wei. hasil titik peluh jadi TA kekeke walaupun duit deposit pakwe huluq :P maseh naa pakwe. sayangdeepdeep. hahahaha and of courseeee aku baru lepas JPJ test lesen moto. dulu lepas SPM belagakkk takmau amek lesen moto, nak amek keta jaa. pastu baru hg tauuu la ni. naik moto best. sebab faculty aku luar main campus. jadi bas upm tak lalu direct. kena tukar2. lemau gak laa kalau nak p faculty tu. mula2 dulu ada moto buat rajinnn dok office sampai ke subuh. la ni jangan harap.  

cerita dia aku ada lagi 120 lab report nak kena mark. tapi terpanjang pulak aku tulis, nak kata syaitan hasut, ni bulan #ramadhan hmm k k k gerak lu.